Online Dating Drama, Day 2: Please Don’t Take It Personally

What is it with men’s fragile egos?? Clearly, I have not yet broken the code on this online dating etiquette thing. If someone sends you an email, it is only polite to respond, right? Even if you are not interested? At least that is the way I was raised – to be polite. But, SOME men cannot handle rejection, evidently, in any form. For instance… I received the following email from a guy on an online dating site:

“There’s nothing “lacking” in your profile. You’re clearly bright, pretty, and confident. I like all of that! I’ve been removing the body piercings and should have the tattoos sanded off in a couple of weeks. Other than that… I’m your man. The signal that really tipped me off though was living within 3,000 miles of [my town]. Once I calculated a less ciruitous route than traveling east, I realized that I fell in line perfectly with that category. What other dealbreakers do you have? [His Name]“

Despite his failed attempts at humor in his email, he actually had a rather engaging profile; well written, seemingly sincere, not unattractive. The “only” red flags I saw were the sub-header of, “No Believers in GOD!” and his stated religion of “Atheism”. So, I sent him the following reply:

“Hi [His Name],
Thank you for your message and many compliments. You sound like a great guy… except the Atheist part. It’s not even that I’m very religious – can’t remember the last time I was in a church and it was probably for a wedding – but I definitely believe in a higher power and larger purpose for being here on Earth. I dislike the extreme right wing evangelicals – extremists in anything for that matter. My philosophy is more, ‘to each his own’. Best of luck in your search for someone more like-minded. Best, [My Name]“

To which he replied (flamed?):

“That is an interesting philosophy from someone who is wise enough to be intolerant of evangelicals, hasn’t been in a church but for a wedding recently, and who I’ll bet, (just a guess), hasn’t given much thought at all to god or what kind of god she believes in. Your diversity and intelligence are clear, but are undermined by your exhibition of blind faith. I do wish you well, and you will have no trouble finding someone with the wishy-washy beliefs that you hold so dear. There. I didn’t write that to be mean, or to insult, and I hope that you will take it in the spirit it was meant, which was simply to open your eyes. Pretty as they are.”

Gee, with online interactions like that, is it any wonder I am still single? Thank God for unanswered prayers!

I told this story to a former lover. His response: “Tell him that he’s clearly never had one of your blow jobs, or he’d definitely believe there was a God!”

Amen.

Online Dating Drama

Can it really be that hard to meet a nice guy and get married? I know people who have done it multiple times! Yet, I remain single and rapidly approaching my mid-life crisis. Maybe I’ll dye my hair. Or buy a corvette. Groan. I’ve resorted to (gasp!) online dating. I must admit, it is a very efficient way to “meet” people. Being somewhat of an introvert, I don’t frequent bars or night clubs, so this Menu of Men online is efficient, if superficial. Here are some things I’ve noticed in profiles that are definite turn-OFFs. MEN, listen up!

Men who publish pictures of themselves with other women… Don’t do it! Unless they are your mother or daughters. If you post a picture with a non-familial woman it says one of several things about you and none of them are flattering: 1) This is the standard by which you measure all other women. (Bimbette with Big Boobs? Blondes only? Size Two with an Equivalent IQ?) 2) You are insecure about your height, weight, age, financial status (pick one, or more) and you seek to assure your viewing audience that, indeed, you have had, or are capable of having, female companionship, and/or 3) You are not a loser and if you don’t meet the woman of your dreams online, it’s okay, you can always call one of the women in the pictures in a pinch.

Men who lie about their age… Most will say (when caught) that they do it so they will be included in the searches done by younger women. In my book, a liar is a liar. Period. If they will lie about their age (or height or income) they will lie about their marital status or fidelity or anything else, if it’s convenient and makes them look good. I don’t give passes on this one.

Men who only post pictures with lots of other men doing manly things, like a rugby scrum or drinking competition. Ick. It’s okay to have friends. It’s okay to be athletic and enjoy sports. It’s okay to post one or two pictures like that.  Hopefully, however, you are more than one-dimensional and have other facets of your life and personality that have been captured on Kodachrome… post them.

Men who don’t smile in their pictures. There are very few men (like the Marlboro Man) who can get away with looking handsome and sexy without smiling. Most men who post pictures of themselves not smiling look like they are one or more of the following: unhappy, unfriendly, psychotic or even possibly homicidal. And I would willingly date someone like that because…??? Why? Exactly. I wouldn’t. Find a picture where you are smiling. If you don’t have one, get someone to take one of you.  It’s not rocket science and well worth the investment in time and energy.

Men who can’t spell, do not know where the punctuation and CAPS lock keys are on their keyboard and/or who use poor grammar. Granted, not everyone is Shakespeare, but I was a teacher in a former life and the urge to correct and return poorly written papers is ingrained. Of course, I don’t really do that with profiles online, but I’m tempted.  Instead, I just move on to the next profile. The ability to communicate is key.

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